The Rules Of Poker

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January 28, 2014 by Colin Kelly

1) Know when not to play poker. The answer should be ‘100% of the time’.

2) Never play with real poker players.

3) Never play with real money.

Life is too short, and too exciting to gamble.

I did place a bet once, at one of those hatches they have at football grounds. On the way in, you’re tripping over leaflets and boards advertising odds and people in branded jackets trying to ‘help you’.

So I put a bet on, St Mirren to win, and went to take my seat.

Well, what do you know, St Mirren did win and I raced out at full time, with my slip in my hand, back to the hatch to claim my cash.

And lo, and behold, the hatch was shut.

They all were. Everyone gone. Offski.

What a con.

Later that week, I found myself in a town centre, passing one of the shops owned by the same chain.

By then I’d read the small print that said I could take my slip and collect my winnings from any of their shops.

So in I went (what a horrible environment) and the guy behind the counter went through an elaborate performance which culminated in him saying only the shop closest to the football ground could pay out and I should go back there.

What a con.

I could have made a right old fuss, I could have gone to the shop in question, or written to head office but by then i was so bored, so sick of the whole thing that I decided there was more to be gained by ensuring that my one experience of gambling was a negative one and leaving it at that.

It is, as far as I’m concerned, a mugs game and best avoided.

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